Grateful for Getting Older
The Power of Appreciative Presence
Almost a year ago I introduced you to my good friend, Kristi Nelson, author of Wake Up Grateful: The Transformative Power of Taking Nothing for Granted. It feels appropriate, nearing the 4th anniversary of the book’s publication and in these tempestuous times, to revisit some of Kristi’s guidance about how we might benefit from living a bit more gratefully.
Even in the midst of our greatest challenges, a grateful perspective can help us maintain awareness of what still works and what we have. It opens our eyes to the abundance of a harvest and the privileges of food on the table, heat at the ready, water in the tap, and light at the flip of a switch. It supports us to see how love abounds within and around us, how taking nothing for granted transforms the mundane into the extraordinary, and how opportunities hide in unexpected places. All of what we can remember to appreciate during trying times bolsters a sense of possibility and hope. And hope invigorates us in deeply vital ways.
In whatever ways we can, it is surely worth building the emotional musculature to hold the hard things going on inside and around us - and to learn to hold them lightly. Concurrently, it is important to also build the capacity to keep remembering, noticing, and uplifting all that is worthy of our appreciation. Gratefulness does not take the place of our grudges. It does not ask us to deny or shift our gaze away from what is difficult. Gratefulness helps us expand the lens on what we are able to see and hold as true. It’s a both/and practice. And it makes a big difference in how we regard and live our lives.
In her short essay below, Grateful for Getting Older, Kristi reflects on turning 64, double her age when she was diagnosed with stage IV lymphoma. She shares how a grateful perspective helped her appreciate the opportunity to age, countervailing the all-too-prevalent cultural script that our advances in years are something to only deny, defy, or dread. She writes, “Growing a bit older every day seems to be the only way to continue to be alive.” This makes aging - and life itself - a powerful centerpiece for a gratitude practice.
Next month, I count as a blessing the chance to assist Kristi at Kripalu Center in Lenox, MA where we will present the in-person workshop, Aging Gratefully: The Power of Appreciative Presence, Friday - Sunday, November 22-24. We’d love to have you join us there. Bring a friend or family member and gift yourselves a transformational weekend. Senior discounts and scholarships are available. Click below for more information.
“When we cultivate an experience of wellbeing that has fewer conditions attached to it, we are more available to life and love...now. While we cannot count on the years ahead, we can make the moments we have available to us now count all the more.” -Kristi Nelson, Wake Up Grateful
Grateful for Getting Older by Kristi Nelson
This year I celebrated my 64th birthday. I don’t share this news with hopes for either benevolent wishes or reassurances that 64 is really not that old. I am good with all that. I am sharing this because it truly makes me happy to get to be alive yet another year – and I finally figured out the secret: growing a bit older every day seems to be the only way to continue to be alive. This seems an insight worthy of note.
We all tend to fall prey to messages that aging is something we are supposed to dread or incessantly lament; complaining about it is a surefire way to “belong” in our culture. Without a doubt, parts of my body that used to be perky are now more pendulous, facial features are dwarfed next to the lines that surround them, and organs and joints I never even knew I had because they were once quiet, now creak, ache, and clamor for attention all hours of the day. I definitely do not have the physical or mental energy I used to have; Friday night plans usually end early or get canceled, my concepts of productivity have downsized, and, increasingly, I cannot remember simple, self-assigned tasks from one room to the next. But, weighed against not getting older, these all seem like very small prices to pay. Aging is surely better than the alternative.
As far as I can remember, when I came into this world, no one promised me a certain number of days, months, or years to live. I am no more entitled to a far-reaching lifespan than anyone else on this planet. No amount of attachment to nuanced goals or well-constructed plans for the future assures me longevity. Neither does eating gluten free, taking ten supplements every morning, or meditating – but I do it all anyway for the sake of daily wellbeing. Counter to what some in the “New Age” movement say, I do not believe that simply wanting to be alive is enough to keep me alive, and that illness and death only come to those who “fail” at wanting life badly enough or making the “right” decisions. I know too many truly extraordinary people who have died to buy into these kinds of harmful concepts.
Having a birthday offers me the welcome reminder that it is nothing short of a total miracle to be alive yet another year. I could call it any number of things, but with the sheer volume of mind-blowing things that can go wrong, and the mind-numbing forces that have to function well and cooperate for any of us to get ourselves up out of bed every day – much less to move from one place to another, love whom we love, and do what we do – it feels appropriate to use the term “miraculous” to describe making it from one entire year to the next. And using the term miracle here, I am not referring to “lightning bolts coming down from heaven and having some wish granted” kind of miraculous – I mean that it is so stunningly humbling and awe-inspiring to be alive every day that I cannot help but think that having the opportunity to grow older and to age is a total privilege worth celebrating. Bring on the effects of gravity…and bring on the gratitude.
One of my favorite cards has the quote, “Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most, live the longest.” What a great reminder to celebrate whatever we can, whenever we can, and to take absolutely nothing for granted. Nothing except, maybe, that the longer we live, the more we will age. That everyday miracle seems worth celebrating.
If you are interested in exploring the gifts of getting older with Kristi and me - in community, in person - please join us for AGING GRATEFULLY: The Power of Appreciative Presence a weekend workshop at Kripalu Yoga Center, November 22 - 24, 2024 in Lenox, MA
About Kristi Nelson
Kristi Nelson is the author of Wake Up Grateful: The Transformative Practice of Taking Nothing for Granted. She served as the executive director of A Network for Grateful Living from 2014 –2023. Kristi's life’s work in the nonprofit sector has focused on leading, inspiring, and strengthening organizations committed to progressive social and spiritual change. Being a long-time stage IV cancer survivor moves her every day to support others in living and loving with great fullness of heart.
Kristi received her BA from UMass/Amherst, a graduate certificate in Business and Sociology from Boston College, and her Master’s in Public Administration (MPA) with a concentration in Leadership Studies, from Harvard University. She cherishes living among beloved friends and family in western Massachusetts.
Get more information about her workshop at Kripalu and at her website.
She is so worth sharing! A very wise woman!
Thanks for reading Ilona. Kristi is a treasure!!